What I stumbled upon today, in one of my unemployed, bored-as-all-fuck internet rambles, is nothing short of the opening salvo of the East-West cultural war that has been inevitable since Marco Polo introduced Asia to Original Sin and opium. Literally. Imagine Eurovision, the quintessential example of why I am ashamed of my European heritage vs. whatever one should call Chinese pop, which makes me regret studying Chinese instead of, I don't know, Korean? I'll stop trying to be witty, and just let this speak for itself:
German: Dschinghis Khan - Moskau
This should be familiar to most connoisseurs of internet-meme videos, but it's so perfectly European that it merits consistent repetition.
Chinese: Da Zhang Wei - Fendou
This might be the best thing ever. I mean, they both have great dances, but this one is polished and ridiculous in ways that are beyond my comprehension. It just makes me happy; so, so happy.
I'm trying to figure out which one is better. If anyone but Nat would see this (HI NAT! REMEMBER HOW I POSTED THIS SAME THING ON YOUR FACEBOOK WALL LIKE AN HOUR AGO?) then I would ask people to vote. In lieu of that, I will instead cast my vote for the Chinese one, as an attempt to curry favor with the Chinese government because I'm kinda in their pocket. Also, because of that dance move where they do the mashed potato but do a little butt waggle, and it's just like nonstereotypically cheesy in a way that just blows Russian-style kicks out of the fucking water. Don't think this is a blowout though, look at the facial hair of the guy from Dschingis Khan...it's fake, but I love it when people jab at Russians.
***OVERWROUGHT LYRICAL ANALYSIS UPDATE***
So at first I thought that the lyrics of the Chinese version were just a translation of the lyrics of the German version, but the truth is significantly more funny, and wayyyy more Chinese.
奋斗，奋斗，为了理想而奋斗
为了将来而奋斗
WOW吼吼吼吼
奋斗，奋斗， 为了欢笑而奋斗
为了真爱而奋斗
WOW吼吼吼吼
奋斗，奋斗，为了追求而奋斗
为了目标而奋斗
为了目标而奋斗
WOW吼吼吼吼
奋斗，奋斗，为了信念而奋斗
为了明天而奋斗
奋斗，奋斗，为了信念而奋斗
为了明天而奋斗
WOW吼吼吼吼
Struggle, struggle, struggle for ideals/dreams/perfection
Struggle for the future
WOW (bellow of an animal/of rage repeated 4 times)
Struggle, struggle, struggle to laugh happily
Struggle for true love
WOW hou hou hou hou
Struggle, struggle, struggle in stubborn pursuit
Struggle for goals
WOW hou hou hou hou
Struggle, struggle, struggle for beliefs
Struggle for tomorrow
WOW hou hou hou hou
Ok, thats all that really needs to be looked at. What makes this so funny, to me at least, is how fucking sincere it is. I mean, its a cheesy cover of one of the most delightfully cheesy songs ever to be passed down from the people who gave you the Holocaust, who love David Hasselhoff (sp?), and who are entirely culpable for Atari Teenage Riot. The German condition is, and has been for years, to traffic in the most mindboggling sincerity (that is not a compliment), and to pursue that sincerity with a vigor and efficiency unmatched in the Western world.
So, to out-cheese and out-sincere the Germans is a hell of an accomplishment. This cover is kinda the lowest level of mindless synthpop, which for no discernible reason is turned into a vehicle for a kind of superficially uplifting didacticism. Think about what the lyrics to a song like this would be in America (and it would totally be a huge fucking hit)...probably something about dancing, Lil' Wayne would make an 8 bar guest appearance which would either be completely incomprehensible or an in-depth analysis of just how much money his clothes (which, rest assured, are very nice clothes) are capable of concealing at any one time, Timbaland would grunt over the beat in a crude and disturbing facsimile of spoken word poetry...you get the point. I'm reminded of a line from the novel Please Don't Call Me Human, in which a parody of a Chinese intellectual says something along the lines of: "American entertainment is just as didactic as ours, but at least it's entertaining." What I'm getting at is that this song is entertaining as all fuck, but--except for the fact that, after writing it like 20 times earlier, I've come to realize that "struggle" is a hilarious and extremely fun to hear word--the lyrics are so incongruous and unintentionally hilarious that it basically ruins the song...making it so campy and overly sincere that it just can't be taken either seriously or as any sort of good, escapist fun.
Or maybe I'm just trying to show off the fact that I know Chinese. Did I mention that I know Chinese? Do you? Thought not.
On a final note: seriously, think about how funny the word "struggle" is. Just think about it. Say it aloud once or twice. Stuggle. Uggle. Ugg ugg uggle. Strug. HA.
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